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| I think I'm moving everything over to Myspace, because it's a lot easier to keep up with one site haha.
Good however long and Godbless | | |
| It's been a crazy hectic week. It feels like I've been doing nothing and everything at the same time. A lot of school work. I'll be glad when the finance class is over. I'm enjoying the Pirate class, so I don't mind it so much. I will be nice in August to go home and take a break though, no work or class. I was extremely glad to have those few weeks off without class, but I guess when you've been in school forever, a few weeks off feels like nothing. This weekend will be some catch up time. I'm not really behind, just maybe a little. Just working out some Finance problems. Other than that I will post later on other happenings. Good day and Godbless. | | |
| "Cuts. They come in may sizes. There's the momentary paper cut that stings for maybe a minute. There's the gash that comes from a fight or the slip of a knife. Then there is what I do. My cuts are not visible for everyone to see. In fact you can not see them at all, no matter where you look on my body. I'm cut on the inside. It's a place where I can hide the scars or allow them to bleed. I blame no one else for the pain. I bring it upon myself. I do it to break the numbness of my everyday life."
This is the beginning of a book I'm writing. It's based off of parts of my life, but mainly it will be fiction. The beginning is what this past year has felt like. I couldn't explain to anyone for a long time what it felt like until I heard the song "Cut" by plumb. God opened my eyes to what I was doing to myself. Waking up every day feeling numb to the world around you. You don't care, and you don't want to be around anyone. You wake up wondering why you are still alive, but you never want to commit the act of suicide. In fact that doesn't even cross your mind. You know somewhere down deep there is something that just needs to be triggered in order to wake up something inside of you again. You've put up walls and created the numbness that you now fight to relieve yourself of. You cry often and don't even know why. You would think that crying could be a feeling, but really it's just an act of release for your body, because you aren't allowing it to feel any other way. You continue to place the smile on your face everyday, and walk through the motions of life moment by moment. You hide yourself from the one true love of your heart, God. As if you actually can...but you still try anyway. You grow weary and tired, and feel as if you have nothing to left to give anyone. You feel as if you aren't good enough for anything. That you aren't beautiful, inside or out. The only relief you seem to find are in distractions that you place in front of you that still never seem to fullfill the void that God does. You go through the motions of reading your bible and talking to a God that doesn't seem to be there, only because you've decided not to let Him past a certain point. You go to other men for healing instead of the only One who can heal you. Eventually one day you get to a point where you hate who you've become. Then you break into a million pieces, and the hurt starts to flow freely. You start to feel again, and something happens. Something profound. God grabs your hand lifts you up and hugs you. He draws you close and whispers in your ear "My Darling, I'm here. You came back to me, and I'm here."
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| Okay so I saw one of the funniest sites in the world yesterday. I swear this isn't a dirty joke! I really truelly saw this...
I was coming out of work when I looked up at the naked statue(if you live in Nashville, you know what I'm talking about) If not here is a picture:
I don't mean to offend, I just want you to get the idea of this all. So there was the statue as normal...what was not normal was a man climbing up the side of the statue with a small crowd on the other side of the street watching. All of the sudden I see this giant male genital being handed to the guy climbing...the guy climbs all the way to the top of the statue, and then puts the penis throught the tamborine at the top of the statue...I thought the cars nearby would run into each other. I had to leave at that point because I was laughing way to hard. It was so gross, and yet at the same time so incredibly funny because 1)It's CMA week here in Nashville, 2)the reactions of the people surrounding and 3) the controversy behind the whole statue in the first place.
Okay sorry if that offended anyone, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. Have a good day and Godbless :) | | |
| I'm sitting at Shannon's computer and catching some of what they are saying downstairs. Nothing serious, just chatting. I'm staying the night here, and we are supposed to watch a movie I've actually never heard of...who would have thought? Great sermon this morning, it was about the Davinci Code, so of course it was interesting. It was about the myth of it all. It was powerful, that's all I can say. I've been breaking down every time I show up at the globe. I went and talked to the pastor's wife, Kristy, after church today and I was basically bawling. God is really opening up a lot in my heart right now. A lot of asking for forgiveness from Him and then receiving the healing. I feel like the numbness I've been in is breaking apart piece by piece. I'm ready for it...even if it's rough...I know that in the end it will bring relief that I desperately need and that only God can provide. I will now go join the social gathering of parents and children downstairs. Good day and Godbless :) | | |
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Name: Elizabeth
